Looking after your emotional wellbeing

Caring for a child who has a life-limiting or life-threatening illness can be overwhelming. Families often tell us it can be isolating and lonely, and it’s easy to forget about or ignore your own emotions and feelings. It’s normal to find things difficult and it can be helpful to develop some self-care techniques to help protect your own mental health.

When we spend a lot of time caring for other people, we can forget to extend that same care to ourselves. But it can be difficult to know where to start, especially if you don’t get much time to yourself.

The following approaches can be helpful in practising the self-care you need:

1. Try not to judge anything that you’re feeling 
   As difficult as it is to come to terms with, you can’t change your child’s situation. You are probably experiencing a huge range of emotions, and it’s best to try not to judge anything you’re feeling as good or bad.  You may have some deep feelings and that’s OK, whatever feelings you have are allowed, and you have permission to find them difficult.Top tip: Try writing down emotions that you are experiencing, as this can help you to process your feelings.

   2. Be aware of how anxiety can appear in the body 
   At times you may notice physical sensations such as a faster heartbeat, shallow breathing, tightness in the chest, emptiness in the stomach, or pins and needles in the legs and arms.  When we know to look out for sensations we can notice them and then let them pass us by – feelings in the body will come and go if we let them. This in turn can help us cope with them.

   Top tip: If you’re feeling claustrophobic or trapped, it can help to look at the sky. Sit on your front step or in the garden, open the windows, or just sit near a window.

   3. Eat regularly and stay hydrated 
   There is a strong link between food and mood, so eating and drinking regularly can help our minds have a better chance of staying healthy.

   Top tip: Keep a bottle of water in the fridge and try to make sure you have easy to prepare food in the house that you can eat quickly.

   4. ‘Move your mood’ by keeping active 
   Moving your body can have a significant impact on your mood. Being outdoors has a profound impact on mental and physical health so going for regular walks, even if they’re just around the block, can be helpful.

   Top tip: If you’re feeling down, see if you can find something to do that involves moving – make a cup of tea, water a plant, or wipe a surface.

   5. Connect with people
   You may not always feel like talking, but if you can, sharing your feelings can be a helpful way of coping with them. If speaking to a friend or relative doesn’t feel comfortable, you might like to leave a message with our helpline on 0808 8088 100 or email us at helpline@togetherforshortlives.org.uk. You can also connect with people who have shared your experience, for example by joining our online family group on Facebook.

   Top tip: If you’re worried and feeling lonely start to think about ways to connect with people in your life – looking at pictures of people you love gets you thinking about them.

   6. Take care with news and information 
   It can be difficult to find ways of connecting with the outside world that don’t make you anxious. Find trust-worthy sources you enjoy. If you find certain newsfeeds or online groups upsetting, feel empowered to switch them off.

   Top tip: If you find some social media accounts upsetting, you can ‘mute’ their feeds or even unfollow them, even if only temporarily.

   7. Be kind to yourself 
   What you’re going through is very difficult, so it’s OK to be struggling. Though you may feel alone, you’re not. If you can, reaching out to your partner, your friends or family, or a service like our helpline can be really helpful. But if you’re not ready for that yet, even just listening to a chatty radio station, podcast or an audio book can be useful if everything feels too quiet.

   Top tip: Most of all try to be kind to yourself. Try to avoid giving yourself a hard time for your feelings. It’s ok to be struggling.

Find out more

Mental health is a vital part of overall wellbeing and we need to take care of it like we would our physical bodies.

There are a number of organisations and services that might be able to support you further. Our service directory can help you find services that are local to you. The organisations listed below might also be helpful:

Your local GP

You can talk to your GP about your mental health, as you would with any worries about your physical health. They can listen, give you advice and introduce you to services they think will be most helpful to you. Your GP can help you to access free NHS mental health services, like talking therapies and counselling. Contact your local GP to book an appointment.

www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/

Mind

Mind are a mental health charity that can support you with information, advice and local services. They offer confidential helplines which can help with mental health and related legal issues, as well as an online toolkit of practical tips.

www.mind.org/need-urgent-help/using-this-tool/

Infoline: 0300 123 3393

Samaritans

Samaritans offer free and confidential listening support to anyone who needs a listening ear. You can call or email their helpline, use their online chat, or ever write a letter.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Helpline: 116 123

Citizen’s Advice

Citizens Advice has a page that provides information on how to protect your mental health and wellbeing. There are some useful links on this page.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk

Counselling Directory

Whether you help around the clock or for a few hours, caring can have a big impact on your life. This blog offers information on how counselling might be able to support you.

www.counselling-directory.org.uk/topics/carers-support.html

Helpline:  0333 325 2500

Breathing Space (Scotland)

Breathing Space is a confidential service that offers listening support for anyone in Scotland. You can call their helpline or leave a message via their webchat at any time.

www.breathingspace.scot

Helpline: 0800 83 85 87

NHS Living Life (Scotland)

Living Life is a free phone service offering therapy for anyone in Scotland aged 16 and over with low mood, mild to moderate depression and/or anxiety.

www.nhs24.scot/how-we-can-help/living-life/

0800 328 9655

Penumbra

Penumbra Mental Health is a charity that works with people on their journey to better mental health. They also have a service finder on their website, which you can use to find local services to you.

www.penumbra.org.uk

Carers Trust

Carers Trust has a directory of useful resources and services for unpaid carers. Whether you need local support, financial assistance or legal guidance, simply enter your postcode to find support near you.

www.carers.org/help-for-carers/introduction

Helpline: 0300 772 9600